you know, it don't come easy

how much is enough. when do you stop to think. to listen. to hear, change, and listen some more. day, night, asleep. listening to my thoughts. i encourage my dreams. is it wrong?

from whenever i can remember, i’ve been told - think now, and for today. capture what you can, who knows about the future. but why? why not for tomorrow. the tomorrow that i dream about. the tomorrow that's bright, broad, breathtaking.

i do build castles, i do visualize. i think of what i want, what i wish. imagine myself almost living it. touch, feel, smell... i like to indulge my senses. immerse them. enact those dangling conversations, experience those superficial sighs. they're my lifelines, my destination. its where i feel at home. most.

sometimes the wait seems endless. without a go back n end, a destination. a hazy vision.

But its power is strong. it pulls, empowers, enables. breathes life into the lungs, injects fuel in my veins. goosebumps. ooh. its beautiful, yet painful.

i go back to it when i can. just close my eyes. they come alive, these images i've clicked in my mind. its almost a reflex, capture before it fades away. the stored sugar when i'm starving later. starving for expression, for escape, for release. it works wonders then.

my best friend calls this my bubble. she thinks i live - blindfolded, totally unaware and with unrealistic expectations. and then i think, what good is reality really? sure, one must'nt lose out on the moment, the present...but how can i just be expected to live on auto drive...give the accelerator to fate or karma or whatever one might call it? let it be, let it be they all say. bah. i never really liked the beatles anyway. at-least not until they broke up.

thats when we finally got ‘imagine’ and ‘here comes the sun’. the point is - is optimism really that bad? is it wrong to believe that a perfect place, a perfect person and perfect life awaits. isn't it what we should all work towards creating. is int it the only thing that remains ours, our own, unconditionally today. my dream is mine. and i might lose, fall down, but its mine, to enjoy and to despair in.

as i sit writing this rather narcissistic post, belting out my emotions on a boring saturday afternoon on my first weekend in bombay, i wonder. i wonder about this bagel shop i sit in bandra with its overhanging trees, its free wifi, and the women in flat chappals mind you. i wonder what experiences im gonna have here, on these roads, with these people. its silly, but i think its the start of a beautiful relationship.

bite me reality. let me dream in peace. it be awesome.